The Story of Your First Mardi Gras

The Story: My First Mardi Gras

Written by: You

Copyright © This weekend

Preface:

Welcome to New Orleans. You couldn’t have come at a better time. But it’s not going to be easy. This weekend is going to make a man out of you, son. The city is going to be packed and the people are going to be crazy. You’re going to have fun. You’re going to have too much fun. But at some point, it’s likely you’re going to feel overwhelmed with all of the tourists and commotion surrounding you. And the only advice I have for you is to embrace it and to make sweet love to it.

For example:

Problem: A herd of drunks trample your foot.

Solution: Give them a high five for encouraging you to have another drink and numb the pain!

Problem: You break a heel on the French Quarter cobble stone.

Solution: Good, go change because there is absolutely no reason you should be wearing heels during Mardi Gras!

Problem: Someone spills their hand grenade on your shoe.

Solution: Take it off and slurp up that sneaker!!

(Ok we’re kidding – but honestly, why are you having such bad luck with your feet???)

But if for some reason you do find yourself encountering a plethora of “wrongs” during your stay, first of all, don’t come anywhere near us. And second, just remember, there’s a plethora of “rights” waiting for you, at a bar, ten feet away, and they’re called beers. (And this is New Orleans, so you can carry those magical “rights” around with you everywhere you go.)

Chapter 1: Pay Homage

Yes we’ve done it and yes it’s fun, but if you’re only in town for one weekend, don’t you dare spend all of your time stumbling around Bourbon Street in a drunken stupor. Not only is our city itself amazing - but our amazing city is providing you with an amazing celebration of the amazing holiday of Mardi Gras. Thus, you should spend time paying reverence to the real traditions our citizens dedicate so much time to upholding.

And one of these must-do activities is watching a parade.

Check out this site for the full schedule and parade routes: http://www.experiencemardigras.com/

(And as we mentioned before, you should down load the Experience Mardi Gras App on your phone to make sure you’re constantly in the loop.)

This weekend the parades to really focus on are:

Friday:             Oshun, 6:00pm, Uptown.

Saturday:         Pontchartrain, 2:00pm, Uptown.

                        Sparta, 6:00pm, Uptown

                        Pygmalion, 6:45pm, Uptown.

Sunday:           Carrolton, 12:00pm, Uptown.

Since these are the most popular parades you should plan on getting there early to save your spot. The route may look empty a couple of hours before the parade but can get up to four or five people deep before you and your friends have time to shamefully glance around at each other while buying a beer saying, “Hey, I thought you said you were staying behind to save our spot”.

To give a little perspective, for the Endymion parade, we have people taking off work Friday to sleep in a tent for the parade at 4:15pm Saturday. Yeah, we care just a little bit.

Also, contrary to popular belief, on the parade routes it is not necessary to flash your privy parts in order to receive beads. By simply flashing that award winning smile of yours, you’re sure to be awarded some great throws. FYI, each parade will have throws specific to their Krewe – including their own medallions, called “doubloons”. The doubloons are collector’s items – they’re aluminum and come in a variety of colors; one side will depict the parade theme and have the Krewe’s emblem on the other.

It’s quite the sport to try and collect as many beads and throws as you can during stay – particularity if you drove, not so much if you flew. Making the decision to part with your hard earned souvenirs in the airport terminal because they qualify as an extra carryon bag, they don’t fit in your suit case, and you don’t want to pay an extra $25 to check them can be a traumatic experience. Trust us; we can still hear these screams in the still of the night.

Chapter 2: Dress the Part

Clothing: Dressing up in any form of Green, Purple and Gold is a must. And if you really want to make our hearts smile, purchase a costume from a local vintage store and rock it out all day long. Let’s face it; people in costume have more fun and people like people in costumes.

Also, as much as the LOC women try and deny it, Mardi Gras is not a fashion show. Dress for comfort, dress for warmth, and dress for rain lets not jinx ourselves.

Chapter 3: Transportation

Dat dem two feet o’ yers.

Honestly, New Orleans isn’t that big of a city. A walk from the French Quarter to Uptown will probably take you 30 minutes. Which will be considerably less time than you will spend trying to hail a taxi – and see if that taxi doesn’t take less than 45 minutes to drive one mile while dodging parade routes and tourists. If you pass by and it’s not packed, the street car is also a great option – for $1.25 it will take you all the way Uptown from Canal Street via St. Charles Street. But beware, it’s easy to lose a friend or two (particularly the ones with difficulty concentrating) while making your way through a parade route. Personally, we prefer employing the “buddy system”. If a group gets lost, at least they’re lost together, because nothing is worse than navigating a Mardi Gras on your own.

Chapter 3: The Balls

It’s unlikely you’re going to be invited to a ball, and that sucks. But if there is some way, anyway that you can pull this off, DO IT. Most of the balls surrounding Mardi Gras are a formal and private event that each parade puts on. Attendance is by invitation only. So if you get invited, kindly accept, and then rush to Saks at Canal Place to purchase a gown or tux, respectively. (Unless of course you were convinced you were going to get asked to a ball before you arrived and already packed one for the trip – and in that case we ask: conceded, much? But we also like the way you work.)

Here are some fool proof ways to pull off getting invited to a ball:

·         Go to Marie Laveau’s VooDoo shop and ask for a special potion to wave over everyone in the city. (This won’t be cheap).

·         Organize with a friend of the opposite sex to approach couples (local, rich, on the verge of breaking up) facilitate break up, separately ask them if they know of any lavish parties coming up.

·         Be the most fun person everywhere you go, the entire weekend, always.

·         Hack into Nola.gov’s sacred archives of the ball’s invitation lists. Dress up like how you would imagine one of the people on the list would look (something ethnic will increase your likelihood of getting it right). Confidently walk into ball, past the check in table, exclaiming “Don’t you people know who I am??!”

·         Create your own ball, invite yourself.

So get out there on the ball-crashing scene and good luck! Trust us, it’s totally worth it for a whole night of dining and dancing in formal attire - what a dream!

Chapter 4: More than Mardi Gras

Yes you’re here for the best Mardi Gras celebration in the entire world and there is no doubt that we have exceedingly encouraged you to get caught up in all the hoopla. However, if you aren’t planning on coming back to our great city in the near future, remember that New Orleans is a city full of adventure and hidden treasures. Albeit, they are going to be harder to find when buried under 800 multicolored beads – but at least try and seek them out.

Check out this previous post for a quick checklist of things to do in New Orleans:

New Orleans Check List

The End.

P.S. We really hope you enjoy your weekend in the city!

P.P.S. And if you don’t, you have no one to blame but yourself.

P.P.P.S Because you can’t blame New Orleans, New Orleans is perfect.

“Laissez les bon temps rouler”

          - Shakespeare