This weekend: Rainbows, Next Weekend: Pots of Gold

It’s 4:15pm on Friday and we just realized that we failed to acknowledge all week long how cool this weekend is going to be. So, sorry this is going to be short and quick but we’re swiftly committing ourselves to “writing” that wrong. (There is never too little time for a good pun.) 

If you enjoy this blog, we’re also going to assume you enjoy: people that use to be married to Jennifer Aniston, hilarious female comedians who like other female comedians, infamous rapping legends known for wearing green hats, and unnecessary pre-celebrations of holidays that revolve around green beer which only New Orleans would think of pre-celebrating.

If our assumptions were correct. Keep reading.

Friday Night:

Option 1:

Mostly Brad PittifulforleavingJenAniston, but also Ellen DeGENEROUS and a bundle of other New Orleanianloving celebs will be in town Friday night for Aniston’s Ex’s “A Night to Make it Right” gala. This will be taking place at the Hyatt Regency Hotel (

601 Loyola Avenue

, CBD). Tickets are only $1,000 - $2,500, so ooobviously LOC has chosen to sponsor an entire table (which we were easily able to afford from all the profit we’re making from this blog – thanks readers!)
But seriously: Josh Brolin, Randy Jackson, Djimon Hounsou, Spike Lee, Blake Lively, Chris Paul, Sean Penn, Wendell Pierce and Kevin Spacey will all be in attendance. And we’re totally cool with helping you sneak in if you can’t imagine your life without being a part of this night. We already have all of the mission impossible gear set up, so just meet us on the 13^th floor fire escape on the northeast side of the building… with ($1,000 x 8….) $8,000…

Option 2:

SnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooop

House of Blues,

225 Decatur Street

, French Quarter, 11pm. Tickets $49.50 - $100.

If you’re scared of 13^th floor balconies, believe that galas with ticket prices less than $5,000 still guarantee rubbery chicken, or just plain can’t be within a 100 yard radius of anyone that could ever leave Jennifer Aniston, we recommend taking a trip to see good ol’ Snoop Dog back in action. Also, remember when Will Ferrell and Snoop provided us with that hilarious banter during Old School? Well let's keep in mind that Will Ferrell’s still roaming the streets of Nola. Just sayin.

Saturday:

Option 1:

The 42^nd Annual Italian- American Marching Club St. Joseph’s Day Parade. Starts on Canal and Chartres Streets, 6pm. We literally don’t know why this takes place but we’re not going to complain about hundreds of tuxedo-clad marchers parading through the French Quarter, dispensing fava beans, beads and flowers for kisses. Throw in 15 floats and a couple marching bands… and by god we’re back in Mardi Gras.

Option 2:

The Apache Relay is playing at House of Blues,

225 Decatur Street

, French Quarter, 9pm. Tickets: $12
You might not know them, but they’re our friends, and therefore they rock at life. You’ll be sad if you don’t go. And Brad Pitt will likely strangle a bunny because of it. Well, not necessarily as a direct effect of you not going to the show. But that’s just what I’ve heard he’s into after leaving Jen.

Sunday:

Only Option :

St. Patrick’s Parade. Starts at Rummel High School in Metairie, running the length of

Metairie Road

in Old Metairie.
It’s everything you ever wanted in a faux Mardi Gras, two weeks later. Aka: you’ll still be hung over from the parades the day before but you have no choice to be on cloud nine due to all the floats, trucks, beads and flowers everywhere. The only difference is people will be dressed in a lot more green and a lot less purple and gold (calm down, you can wear  your LSU gear again on Monday).

 “Laissez les bon temps rouler”

          - Team Aniston

Insider Tip: Beware of the cabbages and other vegetables being thrown from the floats… and in general living spaces throughout the weekend. We’ve heard terrible police reports revolving around CBFs (cabbage broken fingers).

P.S. Jennifer Aniston, stop reading here. The article is over.

P.P.S. Ok but really, Brad, thanks for all you’re doing for the city. It’s amazing and we’re truly, truly grateful. You rock. And if you ever tell Jen that we said this, we’ll kill you.