It’s finally here. You’ve been waiting a whole two weeks for an acceptable excuse to drink yourself into oblivion. How dare Nola force you into becoming an alcoholic during Mardi Gras and then wait this long to give you a socially acceptable opportunity to fully express your new found talent?
Whatever, it’s fine, we’re fine. We can’t stay mad at you, Nola.
So this is what you’re going to do to make your little ginger stepchild, St. Patrick, as MardiGrasesque as possible. Because if you can make anything reminiscent of Mardi Gras, well, you might as well.
Friday:
- Commit to a nice night in with some great first round games of March Madness.
o Up the Irish ante by:
§ Putting on a green shirt and cheering for Michigan State or Ohio.
§ Getting in a fight with the Fighting Irish over their apparent lack of Irish pride, as there is no justifiable reason as to why Notre Dame’s school colors are Blue and Gold and not Green, White, and Orange.
- Catch the Molly’s at the Market Irish Parade at 6pm (1107 Decatur St.). But don’t let all the French Quarter fun keep you out until 4 in the morning and unable to participate in tomorrow’s shenanigans, starting at 7am.
o Up the Irish ante by: Doing the complete opposite. Stay out until 4am and join us at 7am.
The reason we’re slightly encouraging a lackluster evening tonight, is because tomorrow you’re going to be up at 7am to ring in this magically delicious St. Patrick’s Day. See, carnival season was helpful in that it gave you two full weeks of drinking trials (and tribulations) and mistrials until you could finally gauge you all-day, parade-going drinking limits. However, on Saturday, March 17th, 2012 you’re going to need to channel your inner Eminem.
Because…You only have one shot, one opportunity… to seize everything you’ve ever wanted. Are you going to capture? Or just let it slip?
(ok, sorry, that is the first and last time we will ever use Eminem song lyrics to get our point across.)(unless of course some bar we end up reviewing just happens to be all “slim” and “shady”. in which case, we won’t be able to help ourselves.)
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| We're reeeally hoping this is how Eminem dresses up for St. Pat's. |
Saturday:
Be ready to go no later than 10 am. As mentioned, we actually recommend shooting for 7 am, but we understand that you are weaker than us; thus, we will not push you.
For the strong: Head to Finn McCool’s for their block party which commences at 7am sharp. We would try to explain all the wonderfulness going on at this establishment but we’ll let you reference their website yourself: Finn McCool's. Trust us, it won’t disappoint. Cool? Cool.
For the not-so-strong: Head to Tracey’s at 11am for their block party. To understand the wonderful debauchery taking place at Tracey’s, please reference the previous blog post.
For everyone: Drink, drink, drink. Eat some corned beef and cabbage. Say “corned beef and cabbage” in an Irish accent. Lol out loud. Take a green jell-O shot. Do an Irish jig. Do a second Irish jig if no one was paying attention when you did your first Irish jig. Eat some crawfish if you’re lucky enough to be at a place that has crawfish. (If you’re not having fun already, I don’t know what’s wrong with you.) And finally, around 12:30pm head to get a spot on the parade route. The Irish Cannel St. Patrick’s Day Parade is set to start at 1pm. Catch beads, catch cabbages, let creepy old men give you flowers and kiss you on the cheek and have a freaking awesome day.
Here’s the parade route:
And if the Uptown mayhem doesn’t do you under by the early afternoon, be sure to catch:
The Downtown Irish Club Parade at 6pm. It sounds confusing, but here is the rough description of where the parade will be taking place. “The annual downtown St. Patrick's Day parade begins on the corner of Burgundy and Piety in the Bywater, proceeds roughly up Royal, across Esplanade to Decatur, up Bienville to Bourbon. The parade makes several "pit stops" on its way to Bourbon St.”
In general, the French Quarter and Bourbon Street is going to be lean, mean, and very green on Saturday night so it’s definitely worth a trip down there if your two legs are still functioning as proper walking devices and not purely as leg-shaped canteens of green beer.
Sunday:
If there’s any way you can possibly move, and if there’s any way you can possibly remember where you left your car, make it out to The Louisiana Irish-Italian Parade. It will be rollin down the traditional Vets Hwy route in Metairie at 12pm.
“Laissez les bon temps rouler”
- St. Patron (The Patron Saint of Our Hearts)
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